20 May 1521 (the battle of Pamplona) had marked the life of a young Iñigo López on a journey that no one could have imagined. A journey that led Iñigo López to become Ignatius of Loyola, from knight to pilgrim: a pilgrimage that would never end, a pilgrimage that transformed him from gentilhombre of Loyola into a soldier of Christ. In the living memory of this transforming pilgrimage, the Society of Jesus celebrates the Ignatian Year from 20 May 2021 to 31 July 2022, to commemorate the 500th anniversary of his conversion. As the Provincial of Spain, Fr Antonio España SJ, says, we celebrate neither the birth nor the death of Ignatius of Loyola, but “the transformation of his gaze, of his being, of his way of caring and of his way of living” which we call “conversion”. Yet, what exactly are we celebrating? What precisely does the conversion of St Ignatius mean? What kind of conversion and how should we understand it? What significance does it hold for us today?
“Conversion”, in this context, refers to what happened in Ignatius’ life. However, the concept of conversion was not a commonly used term to refer to the change of state of life at that time. According to José García de Castro, the word “conversion” is not found in the autobiography, nor in the Constitutions, nor in the diary, nor in the testimonies of Ignacio’s first companions (Laínez, Polanco, Cámara and Rivadeneira). In the Spiritual Exercises it appears only once, that is, in the contemplation of the conversion of Mary Magdalene (Sp.Ex. 282). It seems that it is not an Ignatian key, or perhaps he avoided the word conversion in his writings. For Ignatius instead, the stereotype of conversion was that of Mary Magdalene, of an immediate encounter with the Lord that translates into an undoubtedly divine initiative, a certain spontaneity, and a sudden change of life. The idea of conversion was closer to what he calls the “first time of election,” as of the vocations of Paul and Matthew (Sp. Ex. 175). Nonetheless, it was not the case with Ignatius; the experience of his own conversion was a slow, thoughtful, conscious, assimilated, and hidden process. It was different from the way conversion was understood at that time. So, if the earliest recorded sources do not speak of a conversion, how could we possibly come to understand Iñigo’s conversion?
An interior transformation towards a more radical following of the Lord, which evolved after a constant process of search, desire, discernment, and choice in his free will in collaboration with the slow, progressive, and unstoppable entry of grace. This could be the synthesis of Ignatius’ conversion proposed by the speakers at a theology conference of the Universidad Pontificia Comillas. José García de Castro highlighted six moments of conversion derived from the life of Ignatius: Arévalo (philosophical-existential conversion of the meaning of life), Loyola (religious-transcendental conversion of the reality of being), Manresa (anthropological-theological conversion of reconfiguration of being), Jerusalem (conversion of the will against authority), Barcelona (conversion of the way of life in the company), and Cardoner (mystical-spiritual conversion to the world and its things). These experiential conversions are sufficient to affirm how Ignatius’ conversion process occurred slowly and quietly, but harmoniously shaped a new charism of the Church, namely, Ignatian Spirituality. However, these are only some of Ignatius’ peak experiences of conversion that have been told to us from his biography. From my point of view, there were many more conversions that took place in Ignatius’ life, be they big or small, minor or major, on his way to God.
More than conversion, Ignatius experienced a reorientation of his person, in a continuous process of discernment, choice, and action. This could be called, as Pedro Rodríguez Panizo said, the phenomenology of conversion. Conversion can be understood as a reorientation of the individual’s soul, a shift that implies the awareness of being in a great change in its unfathomable complexity and mysticism. It is complex, because it is a phenomenon of being in the transition of a person determined by the reality of God that is made possible by pure grace. It is mysticism, because it is an experience that opens our receptive capacity from within to an Ultimate Reality that reveals itself in different dimensions, nuances, and depths that we could never have imagined. This complexity and mysticism drag us to an adventure, a journey and a risk that never disappears. This is Ignatius’ experience of conversion, the experience that descended from above into his interior, and called him to a life of constant renewal and permanent discernment, and to live in every moment of his life in the presence of God, as what we call mysticism.
Thus, Ignatian conversion is about a change in the truth of oneself, which is not easy, not even for those who desire it. Xavier Quinzà Lleó said that desire is one of the important elements in the transformation of a person, of a conversion. In the Autobiography, the verb “to desire” is used 39 times, and 31 times in the Spiritual Exercises, reflecting the importance of desire in Ignatius’ life, a process that structures a transformation of his personhood. Ignatius’ conversion process revolved around structuring a new way of desiring God and made him see the world in a new way, to see all things new in Christ. Seeing things new, in a way, initiates the process of conversion, which leaves the desire to be transfigured. In other words, Iñigo’s conversion to Ignatius was not something instantaneous, but rather a process of interior experience of “transfigured desire” that led him to discover God’s action and allow himself to be responded to and transformed by Him. In Ignatius, conversion is about a gradual change and an integral transformation of the whole person in a continuous search for what God desires.
Therefore, this continuous conversion is what characterizes Ignatian spirituality born of Ignatius’ personal experience. In short, conversion is not a mere change of direction of life from point A to point B, from sinner to saint, but a holistic transformation of the whole person, an integration of the whole person orienting his or her life towards God. What transforms us is not the goal, but the process itself, which is never ending. It is about living with greater human depth, accepting that we are vulnerable and achieving a greater degree of freedom with respect to our inner movement and our beliefs and a greater confidence in the processes that God’s grace is implanting in us.
Now then, returning to the title of this essay, what is the irony of St Ignatius’ conversion? What could his conversion offer us today? In my view, the irony of Ignatius’ conversion is indeed in us. The conversion of Ignatius is our own conversion. We are not commemorating a past conversion story of a saint, rather our own ongoing conversion that we are currently living. Ignatius’ conversion encourages us not to admire his conversion, but to pursue our own personal conversion that is still in the process of transformation towards God. It is not an easy path, as Ignatius himself experienced, but it helps us to realise that this process of conversion does not depend on our personal effort, but that there is a spiritual dynamism that transforms us from an active desire to a receptive grace.
Thus, Ignatius’ conversion is an invitation, a vocation that all are called to live. Desiring conversion means being opened to be transformed by God and, in turn, to the transformation of the world. In the current fluctuating situation of socio-political conflicts, unprecedented Covid-19 pandemic, persistent poverty, and social inequality, Ignatius’ conversion has not only taught us to face the situations in which we have to deal with a wide range of challenges, but it has also linked us to a new and continuous path of transformation. Ignatius’ conversion has opened the possibility of seeing everything in a new way. With the motto, “Seeing everything new in Christ”, we are invited to reflect on our current reality, to give a new meaning to that reality so that, as we go through these challenges, we can be transformed into a more Christ-oriented way of proceeding.
Personally, the Ignatius’ conversion brought me back to my own life story, about the conversions that have occurred in my life. When I look at the long process of my formation in the Society of Jesus, it is not just about being a Jesuit or a future priest of the Church, but beyond, it is a process of continuous and perpetual conversion. It is this process that has led me to reorient myself and integrate myself totally towards God. It is not an ideal or simple process, but a path to conversion, above all, of being a person in Christ, in persona Christi.
Nalerin Erone Bin Nahfirin SJ is a scholastic from Malaysia-Singapore Region studying theology in Spain. This piece is a reflection on the XVIII Theology Conference: V Centenary of the Conversion of St Ignatius held on 2 to 3 February at Aula P Pérez del Pulgar, Alberto Aguilera, Universidad Pontificia Comillas, Madrid.
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