Confiteor

I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters…

…that I find the Ignatian Year (2021-2022) truly challenging. A part of me can’t help considering it a hindrance and a distraction. I’m tempted to ignore it, to pay lip service to it, to simply go through the motions of it, or, what’s worse, to cunningly co-opt it in service of my own plans and purposes… Perhaps this is a clear indication of just how much I really need it, since it is precisely those in need of conversion who experience Christ as an obstacle, a stone to make them stumble, and a rock to make them fall (1 Peter 2:8)…

I confess…

…that I too easily and frequently forget, or choose to forget, for whom the Ignatian Year is really meant. In my better moments, I manage to catch myself operating according to what might be my default mode. I think that, if there are indeed those who need conversion, it must be him or her, them or theirs, rather than me or mine, us or ours… Perhaps I need to allow myself to hear those pointed words that brought the straying King David back to his senses: You are the man! (2 Samuel 12:7)…

I confess…

…that I’m confused, even frightened, by what the Ignatian Year asks of me. I know very well, in theory, that it is meant to be a time for personal, communal, and institutional conversion, that I might see all things new in Christ. These words are familiar to me, to the point of breeding contempt. But what might they look like in the concrete circumstances of my current life-mission? I’m not sure that I have either the courage or the humility to seriously consider this question. Let alone the determination to persistently pursue its answers… Perhaps, like the blinded Saul on the way to becoming Paul, I need to acquire the spiritual docility to pray and wait to be told what (I am) to do (Acts 9:6, 11-12)…

I confess…

…that I’m not altogether comfortable with how the Ignatian Year is meant to be traversed. I’ve grown too accustomed to charting my own course. I’ve learned to set goals and strategise plans, marshal resources and manipulate situations (and people!). But I haven’t yet become proficient at adapting these practices, appropriated from the world of business, for use in the economy of grace. I haven’t quite learned how to seamlessly combine these tactics of the powerful with that disposition of the powerless, which alone brings growth in the Vineyard of the Lord… Perhaps I need to draw ever closer to those who suffer, and to ponder more deeply that shockingly categorical statement with which the Sermon on the Mount begins: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 5:3)…

Therefore…

…realising my utter helplessness and great need, I ask Blessed Mary, ever-Virgin – Our Lady of the Way – all the heavenly hosts, including the many saints and blessed of our least Society, and you, my brothers and sisters – Jesuits and Partners-in-Mission, Friends-in-the-Lord – to pray for me to the Lord our God. Amen.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not hide my iniquity;
I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord’,
and you forgave the guilt of my sin (Ps 32:5).

Chris Soh SJ
Superior
Malaysia-Singapore Region